


The Guilt Of Knowing What You Know / Promises To The Dead

by attackonhomo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Letters, M/M, Sad, Set in Season 1, sad oneshot bc im sad, set after marco's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29991513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attackonhomo/pseuds/attackonhomo
Summary: Nothing can bring the dead back, no matter how much anger and sadness you feel, they're just gone, no emotion will bring them back.///It's really hard to live with guilt, it's really hard to live at all in this world.
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	The Guilt Of Knowing What You Know / Promises To The Dead

He inhaled a sharp breath as his fists met the table he was seated at, if it hadn't of been for the sadness that was quickly taking over his body, he would've regretted slamming his fists so hardly into the wood. The emotional pain he was experiencing was enough to drown out the physical pain, the same way he wanted to drown out every single event that had occurred in the past day, the past few months if he was speaking realistically. He wished so dearly that he had of stayed home, then he wouldn't know all the innocent people that had had their lives wrongfully taken from them.

It was the night after Marco's death, the night after Jean had to identify the body of the boy he had once shared so many memories and emotions with, and here he was sitting in the corner of a room writing letters to someone who would never be able to answer.  
When Mikasa first mentioned something about writing letters to Marco, Jean thought it sounded stupid, knew there was no point in writing something just for it to stay with him and never get to the person he wanted it to get to. But as the night went on, he found himself becoming less able to cope, he was just sat on his bed, silent and shaking, his 'friends' became worried and quite frankly, he did too. He needed a distraction, and then Mikasa's idea came into his head.

And now, five drafts in, his tears were still flooding the page. Expressing how he felt, as if he was speaking to Marco and not a piece of paper, made him cry (slightly less than he was before, but nonetheless a great amount). 

Jean took his time on writing the letters, making sure he didn't leave out any detail. Describing every moment he could remember the two of them had, every freckle on his lover's face, all the feelings he was experiencing at the time of writing. He made sure he got it all.

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰,

𝘈𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢𝘴𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥. 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰. 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.

𝘈𝘴 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘰 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭.

𝘐'𝘥 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘵.

𝘐 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴.

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴? 𝘐𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯, 𝘞𝘌 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰, 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺. '𝘖𝘩 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦' '𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺'. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦.

𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.

𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘈 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦.

𝘔𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘴𝘰 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘶𝘱 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 - 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 - 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘭 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦'𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦,  
~ 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯. 𝘹

He folded the sheet of paper neatly, and slipped it into his pocket along with the many others he had written, including the ones he scrunched up and decided to stop writing.

Jean made his way over to his bed, curling himself into a ball and pulling the sheets over him. He prayed no one would disturb him, but he was sure they wouldn't, most of them had experienced grief themselves so could understand how he was feeling.   
He brought his hands to his ears, and tried to block any small sounds he could hear,  
he just wanted everything to be over.

/////////////////////////////

"I can't do this"

"You need to calm down, I'm here with you"

Bertholdt dropped to his knees and cried silently into Reiner's legs. He had managed to go a full day without crumbling in front of any of his 'comrades', but it had all gotten too much for him.

"Bert, I know how upset you are, and trust me I am too, but you know this is what we have to do. It was inevitable that there'd be casualties on our behalf, and we knew that coming into this. I, too wish that this could all go away, we could rewind and go back in time to before everything happened in Marley, but we can't. We need to, somehow, learn how do deal with this, the guilt, the anger, all the emotions we're going to deal with," his hands met the other boy's, and he took it in his own, "please just calm down, love."

Bertholdt looked up and stared into Reiner's eyes, he took a deep breath in and tried to stop the sobs - "Your words are so comforting, I don't know what I'd do without you here, you always know what to say"

"I'm just trying to help you, I hate seeing you like this"

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just so much to deal with"

"I get you, I really do. All of the boys, all of the girls, they all seem so nice. Not like 'devils' at all. And I know that that's going to make it harder for us, because we know they're not like how every Marleyian portrays them, they're just like us. Kids. Kids trying to get through in life."

Bert's frown turned into a saddened smile, everything Reiner was saying was true, but he knew they needed to get through it.

"You hear what Mikasa said?"

"About the letters?"

"Yeah. I think that could be nice, you know, just small notes maybe."

"That would be nice, it could release some stress."

"Well then, I'll get the paper and ink."

"Thank you so much Reiner."

"No need to thank me Bertholdt, I love you"

Their eyes met again, and both of their faces fell into a soft look, with a soft blush.

"I love you too"

Their fingers locked together and they were both there for each other emotionally, two things Jean could no longer do with Marco: hold hands, and be there for him.

𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰, 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 

~ 𝘉𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘵.

𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰, 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦.

~ 𝘈𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦.

𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰. 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭, 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵.

~ 𝘙𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘳.

𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘰. 𝘚𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰𝘰.

~ 𝘑𝘦𝘢𝘯.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope u enjoyed :/
> 
> I can make this into a 'series' if anyone wants me to? Different letters each chapter, different mental states from each character every chapter? I don't know, comment if you want me to :)


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